North Belfast PT on loss of family to suicide and how gym saved him

“It’s okay to talk, it’s okay to struggle, and there are healthier ways to cope.”

A man from North Belfast has opened up on how exercising saved him after losing family members to suicide.

When Raymond (Ramie) Hoy was just 12-years-old, his dad took his own life, as did his grandmother two years later. As a way to handle his grief, Ramie began working on himself, and began attending the gym at around 14-years-old.

Now, the Ballysillan man is a fully qualified Personal Trainer at Gain Forth Gym, and is hoping by sharing his own story, it will help other young men who may be struggling with their mental health.

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Speaking to Belfast Live, the 21-year-old said: “My dad passed away three days before I started secondary school when I was 12. When my dad passed, I got closer with my nanny and I was at the age where I was able to call up and down to her house. So after she passed away two years later, I got into going to the gym and started training away.

“Even before I was born, my dad’s father also took his own life. It’s something that has left a mark on my life that I carry every day, but I’ve tried to turn that pain into something meaningful.

“It’s my dad’s ninth anniversary this month. I have two brothers who are younger than me, and I was 12 when my dad passed away, so there’s really good things I can remember about him. But my youngest brother was only in P1 at the time. Sometimes when we’re sitting and speaking about my dad, you can see he doesn’t really remember much.

“For months after my dad died I wouldn’t leave the house, I felt like every time the phone went I would be filled with anxiety. I would just get the feeling like every time someone leaves something bad’s going to happen.”

As for how getting into the gym, or out for walks up the Cavehill, has helped him process his grief and build himself up, Ramie said: “Going to the gym is a way to really clear the head, you’re not thinking about anything other than what you’re doing. When you leave, you’re bringing good energy with you, you’re going home in a better mood.

“Training has changed my whole life; the gym saved me in more ways than one. It gave me structure, discipline, and more than anything a space to process, heal, and grow. I became a personal trainer not just to help people physically, but to show them that fitness can be a tool for mental health too.

“Training and staying active has made me able to overcome the mixed emotions towards my dad and nanny’s deaths. As people who have experienced grief know, it is not a steady process. One day you’re angry, the next minute you’re balling your eyes out.”

Ramie hopes that his story may help other young men who find themselves struggling with their mental health, in knowing that they’re not alone, and there’s always an outlet for helping yourself get through tough moments.

He said: “I wanted to let people know there is always a good day coming, it may not be tomorrow or the day after that, but I promise everything gets better. I love my job being a personal trainer, it gives me the chance to make someone’s day that little bit better by uplifting them with a good training session and good music.

“Being the oldest of my brothers always has made me feel like I’m supposed to always be better everyday trying to be a good role model to them. They’re my two best mates and I would so anything for them, so I’m always on their backs making sure they’re staying active as well.

“So many people especially young men are suffering in silence. I want to help break the stigma around mental health, and remind others that it’s okay to talk, it’s okay to struggle, and that there are healthier ways to cope. The gym became my outlet, and I believe it can be the same for others.”

Anyone who needs to talk to someone about mental health issues can call the Samaritans on 116123 or Lifeline on 0808 808 8000.

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